Can happiness truly last? If you were given a perfect night, a perfect moment, a perfect look how long does it take for it all to crumble? Is it better to walk away when things are perfect than to wait out the inevitable pain that life hurls at you with every turn? Can these perfect moments then be salvaged in memory at the very least? Or is the moment more valuable because it is temporary?
When I was younger and I would go to the picture house, I had adopted the philosophy that if I left the movie early nothing bad could happen to the character’s that I had loved so dearly for so long. If only I had left Six Feet Under before the last half of the fifth season… but back to discussion… Is the principle the same? Or does the end still find the character’s even if no one is there to witness it?
If I were to run and hide from pain, only arising from the depths of solitude for a breath of fresh air, a brief kiss, a momentary romance, a night of humor and delight; only to retreat again into the safety of my own soul (where the only enemy is my thoughts), would I be able to retain at least a meager remembrance of joy?
It is hard to comprehend the human attraction to pain. Is it impossible to ever trust in a future where tears can be derived from pure bliss rather than the possible destruction caused by trust and companionship? It is a sign of my weakness to see the world in this light. It is this unbearable understanding that all things must end. It is the self knowledge that I am not capable of living inside the shadows of these blood drenched dreams.
If these hallucinations of an eternal love cannot be validated by a tangible experience brought about by a deeper truth; then what is the final outcome? When do I know that it is worth it, that it is real? When can one open their eyes and know that it is okay to let down the shield? Will you’re teeth break through my skin? Will your heart devour my soul? Will I be weakened by your eyes to the point of no return? Is risk really the only way to attain immortality with another living spirit? Can two individuals existing in separate bodies ever really become one? Are the bonds of marriage a forgotten ideal? Has humanity evolved to a point that they are unable to see their counterpoint when they are standing in the light of destiny?
There was a time in human existence when there was such a thing as “love at first sight”. There was a time in our history when we knew that life was not meant to be battled alone. There is purpose to companionship; beauty in building a life together and eschewing the nightmares of intruders. There was a period in time when love was love and there was no breathing room for the games of social expectations.
Love is not measured by beauty, but by imperfection. Love is not the answer, but the cure. The greatest and most deadly of human experiences is love. So, now I ask again; in this time, where sexual relations has warped romance, perversion has destroyed commitment and truth, is the risk worth the pain? Can love exist in a world where deception is the oxygen of our being? Can two hearts find each other across this massive, absurd, abyss of broken faces and tattered souls?
The contradiction lies in this question: If love can conquer all things; can it overcome the fear? Can an individual so torn down by lies and distrust ever release these aching tumors to find the eyes that can share in my perfect vision of the world? Or has my life taken its course? Have I been so manipulated by my own guilt for the mistakes of the past that I can never maintain the course to the nirvana that is the beautiful, danger of true love? Or is it wise to let the perfect night be the perfect night and remembered fondly, immortalized in dreams, rather than stained in the salt of suffering? Or can the kiss last beyond the fires of the past? If love is the marrow of our bones and it hurts as it ministers to our soul; it becomes immeasurable by worth. It is not determined by the things that brought you together, it is weighed by the things that can not tear you apart.